Military service, and especially during war, draws the men who serve together in a way that only happens in such times. “You can’t understand unless you were there” is what you may hear. It is common and shared experiences that build bonds which can last a lifetime. Wives, parents, or siblings, after hearing the stories, still cannot break in. It is the shared smells, places, sounds, fear, and victories which feed the bond of “Brothers in Arms.”

WWII Veterans had a universal sense of Brotherhood. The fact that they were all considered heroes, and that their generation was a proud people, solidified their bond. They went through life “walking tall and proud” of who they were… strong, successful, proud, and driven to portray what they were until the end of their lives. They were the epitome of what it means to be Brothers in Arms. The most significant thing about their experiences is that they were appreciated and honored. Our entire culture treated them with reverence.

In the neighborhood where I grew up, nearly every man living there was a WWII Veteran, and every young boy looked up to them in awe and had a desire to be just like them… to walk, talk, and be proud.

Our Korean War Veterans were largely the same because the Korean War was, to a degree, fought by WWII Veterans. The values, the ethics, and the character of the Korean War Veteran were pretty much a continuation of everything the WWII Veterans were. Even though Korea has been referred to as the “forgotten war,” it was not so long after WWII that the Korean Veterans were somewhat painted with the same brush.

Let me jump ahead to our most recent conflicts… Iraq, Afghanistan, and other smaller combat incursions. At Bucket List Dreams, most of our recipients are Veterans of the modern era of warfare. I have to say, as a Vietnam Veteran, I am very envious of these young warriors. They have a strong Brotherhood. When the Veterans of these wars returned home, they were honored, cared for, and respected… as a result, they have fared well. They have a camaraderie and shared identity. I very much envy them for this.

At Bucket List Dreams events, I get to see them interact… I would have liked to have had what they have.

Vietnam was unlike all other wars. There was no “natural” brotherhood coming out of the war. Rejection, abuse, neglect, open hostility, and dishonor had just the opposite effect of what America experienced after WWII. During the Vietnam War, it was pretty much “every man for himself,” with very few, if any, close bonds.

The Vietnam Veterans were forced to return home, to go it alone, and to deal with the effects of the war at an individual level. It would be the Vietnam Veterans themselves who would change this situation. After some time, a portion of the Vets decided that if they didn’t do it for themselves, they would never gain any sense of pride and brotherhood.

Vietnam Veterans of America was formed, and chapters sprang up across the US. Vietnam Vets wrote books, taught classes, organized and built memorials to themselves and their fallen brothers. The suicide rate of Vietnam Veterans because of the neglect from the American people was unlike anything experienced in America. The government has always downplayed the suicide rate, but many of us who were responsible for starting Vietnam Veterans of America believe the total may be around 250,000.

There is a fundamental truth about war… a country must NEVER send their finest to fight a war without the intent of, and dedication to, complete and total victory, and the war must be fought by the generals, not politicians. A country must never steal the victory away from the warrior.

America has not gone to war correctly since WWII… with victory as the driving force. “Complete and total victory” means that we destroy the enemy, then we own their land, and if their people want to go to work to earn back their nation, we let them. So, “are we going to war” can only be considered with the reality that we must occupy and control the country after the victory for years, even decades.

This is the way that the Greatest Generation did it with Germany and Japan. When you fail to approach war this way, the only people that must pay the price post-war are the warriors themselves. The politicians will simply move on to the next opportunity, leaving the warriors to shoulder the battle outcomes… it is morally wrong to approach war in any other way.

The Vietnam Veterans have worked hard to gain respect and to build their Brotherhood, and yes, they have been moderately successful. Their Brotherhood will never be like the WWII veterans’ brotherhood, but after decades of work, most Vietnam Veterans now openly feel proud.

They also feel valued because of the way that Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans have been treated. One of the adopted missions of Vietnam Veterans has been to ensure that no Veterans coming after them are treated as they had been… and Vietnam Veterans have succeeded.

I have had several young Veterans say to me, “you guys took the shit so we would not have to.”

My Personal Part in “Righting the Wrong”

• Charter Member of Vietnam Veterans of America Chapter 142, Monroe, MI and a Life Member
• Life Member of Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW)
• Chairman of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Committee and responsible for building the Memorial in Monroe, MI
• Served two terms as President of Chapter 142, recognized as the fastest-growing chapter in the US
• Written and taught about the war
• Provided Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Counseling for the VA
• Committed to telling the truth about the war
• Worked with organizations to account for POWs (The League of Families)
• Currently engaged in supporting Bucket List Dreams for Veterans

A brotherhood was not a natural outcome of Vietnam, and I blame the anti-war movement for this, and the American people for allowing themselves to be manipulated and misled about the war.

I am pleased that I have enjoyed some sense of brotherhood with fellow Vietnam Vets as that bond has grown over time. These days, I am not much of a joiner and prefer to do things my way… through Bucket List Dreams… sharing in watching Veterans fulfill once-in-a-lifetime dreams and feeding their souls through fun and achievement.

With all that said, let me tell you about the one exception to my experience with the lack of a Vietnam Veterans Brotherhood.

I consider myself a fortunate man. Yes, I have had challenges that would destroy many people. Yes, I have dealt with the lifelong ramifications of Vietnam, including serious illnesses… I am fortunate to be alive.

Everything I came away from my military experience has been negative except for one positive… a lifelong friend… my only true “Brother in Arms”… Donel D. Herbert (Herb).

Herb and I have stayed in touch since the war… he lives in California and I in Michigan. He says I saved him, and I say he saved me. Either of us could have easily gone crazy… him away from his family and me spending three years overseas… we kept each other sane.

We have been through a great deal together. We are obviously old now, so to celebrate our bond, we each have a special bottle of bourbon. There are dog tags hanging around the necks of the bottles, one of which says “Remembering Bruce” and the other “Remembering Herb.”

Whichever one of us goes first does so knowing that he will be toasted and remembered by at least one true brother.

Herb and I may not have come away from our war in a Brotherhood like the WWII Vets, but we did come away with one special Brother… and for this, I consider myself a fortunate man.